COLOR BLIND

One of the catch phrases since the 1980's, has been, "I'm colorblind." This means, as pertaining to race, that the person stating it is claiming to not see the color of a person's skin, but instead, inside of them - the content of their character. It sounds good, right?

Well, maybe not...

As a writer, I tend to sit around and think about things a lot. Even when I'm busy with other tasks, which is most of the time since I am also a wife and a mother, I think about words, concepts, behaviors, emotions, actions, so on and so forth. I look at people and wonder about their story. I am curious as to what drives them to wake up in the mornings, and finally go to sleep at night. I am drawn by the physical as well. What someone else may see as obscene, I may see as beautiful and what another may view as open-minded, I view as dismissive. And so is the case with this terminology.

You see, I don't want you to be 'color blind' when you look at me, and people that favor my physical components. No, I want you to see me. I want you to see my skin tone, my full lips, my hair texture, my eyes. I want you to KNOW that I am a black woman. Why? Well, because I think it's sexy. I think it's amazing. I am okay being all of that and more. If you tell me that you're colorblind, that means you no longer SEE me. But...what I look like, is a part of me, rather you find that attractive or not, is not the issue. My physicality, is definitely a part of who I am as a person. It is how my children know it is mommy that has stepped into their room to wake them up. It is how my readers know, it is Tiana, that is talking to them, answering questions via a vlog or public appearance. It is how my mother knows that her child is standing on her porch waiting for admittance when she looks through the peephole. When someone says they are 'blind' to something, it means, that it is not important to them, that, it doesn't need to be discussed or highlighted. If you think it isn't important, then you've erased my culture, because my culture is important to me, and my culture is part of the reason that I look in the way that I do.

I don't want to be erased. My history has already been historically tampered with and some of it forgotten and the truth of various aspects, never to be known. I have a little slice of something here, and I don't want it taken away. I'm feeling rather possessive about it, you see. Now, I'm not saying to use my physical attributes to discriminate against me - that is going all the way to to the other spectrum. I am simply saying, "Hey, I don't mind that in YOUR mind, when you see me coming, you think - 'That's a black woman.'" I'm cool with that, really, I am.

Being color blind would of course eliminate 'colorism', but to me, the core of colorism is NOT actually the hue of the flesh. The core of colorism, is based on hurt, racism, regurgitation of sinister-driven, warped beliefs and ideology that help one person feel superior to another. Now, we have a notion called, 'reverse' colorism, kind of like, reverse-racism, which is rather silly because in my opinon, there is no reverse of either of these constructs. You see, colorism is just that, colorism, regardless if the perpetrator is light complexioned, medium hued or dark complexioned. The same for racism. Either you said something racist or you didn't and this whole notion of black people can not be racist, because we have no power, is preposterous. We can, because we DO in fact have power because every man, woman and child has power over SOMEONE or SOMETHING in this world. An eight year old boy may have no power over his big sister, but he has power over his five year old brother. Whomever is lowest on the totem pole of hierarchy, is the one that will get it the worse from those that SEEK to identify themselves, through the humiliation of others. Per my example, take a look. He (the eight year old boy) is an influence, a role model rather he likes it or not and he can cause tears as well as joy for his younger sibling.

We ALL have power, over something, somewhere. I have been a 'victim' of this so-called reverse colorism. It is nauseating. It has been taking place my entire life, in various degrees. I get no rewards for NOT being dark complexioned. But Tiana, 'your type' gets to be in the music videos. Wow, now isn't that a treat?! Yes, I want to be exploited! Choose me! Choose me, please! (((eye roll))). But Tiana, that sends messages to darker girls that they aren't pretty enough to twerk. Yes...because twerking and grinding with homely rappers by a swimming pool for cash is something to aspire to. I just can't with this s**t...

When the local police see my ass speeding down the street, or even minding my own business, they see a black woman, and that is the bottom line! They don't give two s**ts that I am the color of the 'brown paperbag.' They don't care! I had my license plate ran in my own driveway once, because my husband's neighbor was a cop and saw me as 'suspicious' when I was first moving in. Give me a f**king break! I could go on and on about that, but that is another topic for another time. Now, let me get back on track here.

I want to see you...
I want to see your damn face. I want to see your incredible skin, and if you have the type of skin that makes me do a double take, I might want to even do the unthinkable, and touch it, with your permission of course. I have always been drawn to hues, particularly, dark-skinned people. NOT because I found them unattractive, but because their skin was so damn beautiful to me. I have never, not once in my life, felt that a person was attractive or unattractive, based on their skin tone. I wasn't raised that way. I never heard anyone say anything that spoke of 'colorism' issues and both of my parents are light-complexioned African Americans. They were proud to be black, in every sense of the word. Race, none of that was the factor. Skin didn't have anything to do with it. I have found myself apologizing to my some of my darker sistas, because I sometimes stare at them, like a man does a woman that he wants to get with. It is truly that intense. I LOVE looking at skin, from the palest Irishman you can find, to the darkest West African in the world. I.WANT.TO.SEE.THEIR.SKIN.  I don't want to dismiss it, I don't want to turn away, I don't want to pretend it is not there. I do NOT want to be colorblind.

Why would I NOT want to see this woman?! STUNNING!

I LOVE your skin, even if you don't. I love what you look like. I want you to embrace your heritage, your culture. I want you to SEE the world, full of these different looking people, all of them, contributing and making the world a better place.

Nah...I'm not colorblind, and never will be.
I see you, Beautiful. Damn, and I can't take my eyes off you...

Tiana Laveen