Tuesday, December 29, 2015


I find myself disenchanted… 

2015 is almost over, and I was spending precious time with family, reminiscing, but as I filtered through photos of friends with their loved ones, opened gifts from under a tree, Kwanza candles aglow and menorahs lit in colors of azure and white, I kept running into headline stories that dulled the moment, shaded the emotions and left a burning coal of irritation in my gut.

How many Kardashians must I see? Why do I need to know that so and so has one billion followers now on Instagram? Do we as a nation really believe that Donald Trump, who has spouted some of the most hateful speech of the year, perhaps decade, is the best candidate for president? How many ‘your blues isn’t like mine’ posts must we see to figure out who’s wound is bigger and more sore (All Lives Matter, nah bruh, only Black Lives Matter… dude! That’s crazy, only American Lives Matter… how about none of you motherfuckers matter?!) – these are real conversations going on while yet someone else is being decapitated for not believing as another does. It is then televised and the person that is outraged about it is ridiculed and told, ‘Were you that upset when so and so was gunned down by the police? Or do you care about them only because they were this or that color?’


Are we so jaded, so soulless, so inherently evil now, fresh out of the womb, that all we care about are the latest contour make-up tips, how to get rich in five days, diet tea and corsets and who had the best ‘What are thoooose?!’ vines? Has our entertainment became our real lives or merely an obsession?

Do we turn the station when a documentary of the Underground Railroad comes on, or Suze Orman trying to give us pointers on how to grow our funds in favor of watching the Real House Wives of Planet XYZ? Is every woman who takes a selfie in a skirt a THOT, is trash talking another person now a competition and crowns are passed out for who can give the most shade? Do we not care about our fellow human being anymore? Has it gotten to the point that only what we do on social media counts, and the REAL us slowly dies for we know if our followers truly saw our hurts and frailties, we’d lose LIKES? Because no one LIKES a real human being anymore…

This is why I’m disenchanted. I’m not upset about anyone getting their hustle on, making a way out of no way. What I’m upset about is the lack of soul, the lack of grit, the lack of integrity, the lack of self-respect, true courage, consideration and the narcissistic behavior that is now deemed as ‘normal.’ We laugh now when people are down, depressed – we encourage them to kill themselves if they post they don’t want to live anymore. We ridicule a person that is struggling with mental illness, yet we praise performers who see women as only cum guzzlers. We give high fives to women who only want a check, versus that ‘baby daddy’ to be in their child’s life.  I ask again, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US? We are nasty to others for no reason, vicious when called on our bullshit because the truth hurts and materialistic to the point that we’ll put bills in our childrens’ name just so we can use our ‘other money’ to buy crap we won’t even remember having in a week or two. We even get pissy if the man of our dreams doesn’t buy the diamond ring we wanted --- then wonder why we are still single ten years later and he found someone more deserving of his time, attention and energy. YUP. I said it.

None of this is normal… Trashing a person on Snapchat for wearing last years designer jacket isn’t okay. Internet trolling and thugging is a thing – everyone wants to be a superstar, and negative attention is better than none at all. Now so-called reality TV is a gateway, but it’s a poisonous gateway, for once you enter it, it leaves one spiritually splintered and emotionally diseased.

People no longer know who they are, why they are here and what they can possibly become. Our vision is tunnel, our sites short, our love jaded, our forgiveness nonexistent, our thirst for knowledge dry, our desire for compassion – long gone. I’ve seen so much negativity and nastiness, and it is a chore trying to sift through it to get to the good stuff. I end up feeling like I’ve had a ten-hour work out, with no breaks. I want to be able to turn on my computer or television, and not see an update about any reality star, or a performer who had some hissy fit on stage. I want to be able for just once, to see the front page of Yahoo say, ‘FIVE UPLIFTING, COOL NEAT STORIES FROM ORDINARY PEOPLE WHO’VE DONE SPECTACULAR THINGS.’

No one is allowed to call anyone on this behavior – because then you’re deemed ‘not fun’, an ‘old foggie’, ‘jealous/hater’, 'sippin' the Kool-Aid', 'A sell out' and all the other adjectives and titles one can wrangle up. I don’t care about what some celebrity wore to dinner, I care about what my fellow sister or brother wore to their job interview that helped land them the job. I don’t care about showing the ‘good things’ Donald Trump has done, I want to see the people that actually care about the guy making minimum wage that still goes out and feeds the hungry. I don’t care about any of this nonsense, and this is in part why some people don’t get ME, what I write about and how I write it. Some people are trying to feed substance to people who only want filler, I had that problem too, but I sure as hell don’t anymore.

I’m not trying to force-feed anyone anything, any longer. I will do what I do, and whomever is down, cool, if not – there’s the door. The heart of man is broken. The mind is, too. We are spiritually corrupt. What will we do to stop this, before we have nothing left of ourselves, but a remembrance of what we truly could have become?

In a very short while, the very essence of all inner beauty will be a distant memory. We will know nothing of love and redemption. We will only care about the things in this world that we can not take with us. Well, all I can say is, I hope it was worth it…

Tiana Laveen (author or romance and lover of beautiful minds.)