Bad Habits of the Habitually Creative

- Tiana Laveen

My name is Tiana Laveen, and I’m a strange little thing…

I stand 5’5, but I behave at times as if I’m 6’7. In this case, this isn’t a compliment, either…

See, creative people add salt, sugar, and pepper to the world, but we also create havoc. In our mind, we have been our own set of loosely connected rules, and people who don’t comply or agree with them, are, well, often times wrong… (in our hidden and not so hidden perceptions of course.) This is due to our need to make ‘beauty’ were ugliness resides and a wish for us to escape our own realities, though trust, we know the TRUTH all too well. You see, creative people aren’t just born, they are made. We’ve all heard it… some of the funniest comedians suffer from depression. Some of the best singers and musicians to grace the planet, were drug addicts, battled anger issues and had a disdain for society in general. Some of the most prolific writers were in fact mentally ill… so on, and so on, and so on…

We don’t have the months and years to sit here and sort out the theories from factual data, but as a member of this strange society – and married to my ‘yang’ – a hard-wired left brain thinker who sees things a lot less whimsically and topsy-turvy, I must say that there is some truth to these stereotypes. Let me give you an example. I always prided myself on being a positive, uplifting person. If you study me online, regarding my blogs and vlogs and interactions with my readers and fans, I try to be engaging, offer the ‘glass is half full’ ideology and be kind to people that write me… even those that may not deserve it. In the books I write, I attempt to give food for thought and a few avenues for deliberation via the human experience and how our minds and hearts interact before we derive at a conclusion – hence, the H.E.A. is that really me, though? Perhaps. However, I believe I began to buy my own hype.

What I mean by that is, though I have the emotional resiliency of a springboard – and no, I’m not bragging, it is just the truth, I carried deep, dark, heavy baggage from repeated, unfair circumstances that came my way and continues to arise from time to time. Every intentional hurt directed towards me, every act of cruelty from someone I trusted, so on and so forth, built up. I resented the circumstances, and I resented the people involved, but more times than not, the hurt and anger still lingered, despite my cursing them out and going on my way, or telling myself, ‘It’s over – you’re fine.’ What ended up happening was I had wrapped myself in a shell. This is partially why I’m able to write about characters who on one hand, appear one way, but inside, are quite the opposite. Honestly, being human is a complicated business.

We have control over various aspects of our lives, and some we do not – and with the constant stream of information, experiences, lack of actual physical interaction due to technological advancements and the need to touch, feel and heal not being met… well, creative people turn a bit… well, crazy. Or is it crazier? Either way, things happen to us, just like everyone else, but how we process those experiences seem to often swing from one pendulum to the other. We don’t seem to know a healthy medium unless we ‘train’ ourselves to know the healthy medium. We either show a complete lack of concern or we blaze out of control. We are reactionary, or quiet as the last second of Armageddon. Thus, self-medication comes into play. Creative Souls HAVE to self-medicate. Luckily, there are positive self-medications via our chosen craft or finely tuned talent. If I’m pissed… chances are high I need to sit down and write. If I’m giddily happy and want to ‘never forget that bliss’ chances are, I should pour it into a love scene in one of my books. If I don’t do this, some very bad things can happen… (Insert spooky, haunting  music here.)

Okay, that’s a bit dramatic, but for instance, like no longer being optimistic and encouraging. I can become negative (seeing everything wrong in the world), jaded (everyone sucks), down and under (depressed and despondent), angry, bitter (she doesn’t deserve that… she’s a jerk.) and just plain horrid (F*&! You). I may not be even saying a word, not typing a thing– but inside, I’m a time bomb.  I am quite self-aware, and that definitely helps, thus, when I see other Creative Souls demonstrating similar behaviors, the alarm bells go off… I know almost immediately that they are not mentally nor emotionally well at that moment… they are actually starving. Since many of us tend to isolate and become manic about our craft, we naturally can cause a situation of emotional starvation – which becomes a never-ending cycle of self- inflicted cruelty in order to create our “art.”

Writers are more times than not, emotional creatures. If we are not feeling very productive, wanted, needed, esteemed or appreciated, we may decide to unleash our disgruntled mood onto unsuspecting victims. Now, this is not to say that we plan it, map it out, and execute it to a ‘T’. No, it is way more disorganized than that and more times than not, we don’t even recognize we’re doing it, and sometimes even after it’s over, we still don’t know it happened. Let me give you an example. Let’s go back to me being optimistic and resilient. That is my natural default, but as stated, life happens, and if those past situations aren’t addressed, instead just skipped over, then that means that the unresolved pain and anger surrounding the issues ARE GOING TO COME OUT, eventually, no matter how smiley faced we may pretend to be. Creative Souls do two things from the time we wake up until we go to sleep (some argue it even continues while we slumber):

We take in, and we put out. It is how we feed and survive. We are literal vampires of the earth’s essence, life’s experiences if you will – sucking in everything around us and twisting it in strange, colorful ways that the “common guy” is not. For instance, you may look across the street and see a little beat up newspaper stand that is empty. I look across the street and see a time long forgotten… a time when people cared about newspapers, tucked them under their arms securely as they headed away with their coffee to a place they deemed as important. I see how archaic they appear to some people nowadays, how the art of a carefully crafted article printed out on tree pulp and covered in warm ink is a dying beauty, right before our eyes. I’d possibly believe that the newspaper stand probably hasn’t had any re-fills in months, perhaps years. The average guy isn’t doing all of that, okay?

Almost everything I see, everything I do – I am processing in ways that some won’t understand. It makes me who I am. It is not to be apologized for, but the way in which I convey these thoughts and concerns very well may call for an apology indeed. Creative Souls can come across as jaded when reality continues to tell us that there will be no fun-for-all Ferris Wheels, dripping chocolate ice cream cones and fresh daisies to sniff in Hell. No matter how we try to ‘brighten up’ the ugliness of the world, we are told to steer clear, and this creates creative constipation. Remember now, we do two things – take in, and give. Anything that impairs that process can create a disaster. We find out the truth – and we make a choice. Keep trying, or start starving and dying. It comes in the form of our experiences, reality checks if you will. And this can thus, come out as negativity. Need another example? Sure! Here’s one - We may be on social media and see someone post something a little something like this:

“I was in my car this morning, waiting at a red light and saw a gorgeous woman walk past! I wanted to ask for her number so bad, but by the time I got the nerve, she’d already walked down the steps to the subway.” The damaged Creative Soul who has been bitten by reality and has now came to the conclusion that the world is a soulless, heartless place that deserves nothing but spit and piss, may then respond:

“Just be lucky you have a car, I don’t… and the hell with that woman. On second thought, the car puts out too much pollution, you should’ve walked or taken a bike to work. And no worries about the ‘one that got away.’ Most women nowadays are ( insert insult of choice here).” – Now, we may not write all of that, but we very well could be thinking it but chances are fairly high we will have something unfavorable to say because well… the platform and the audience were there for it. We need to feed, we know people are going to read it, and if we tell ourselves that what we are writing is true, then we are then able to excuse our rudeness and bad behavior. We become the big, mean elephant stomping into the room, “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME, YOU HEATHENS!” Meanwhile, the ‘common guy’ reading that post is thinking,

“Yeah! He should have said something!” – Nothing more, nothing less. But then when he reads our reply, he writes:

“You’re a big ass, you know that? You need to go see a shrink or take some happy pills. Everyone is sick of you and by the way, your last song you wrote, sucked.”

…As you can see, the 'all is wrong with the world' virus we contracted soon becomes contagious. Instead of then just licking our wounds, we then get into a nasty debate with a practical stranger, all because we wanted positivity and love from the jump- didn’t get it, and turned into a damn monster!

Is negativity the new black? For Creative Souls, it seems to be. We NEED human interaction and nourishment and as the world changes, we become more and more jaded, angry and accusatory.

We. Are. Starving.

The internet only delivers fast food. We need five-course meals on a daily basis. We need to look into your beautiful eyes, feel your hand against ours, smell the sweetness of the candy you just devoured, hear your whiny little voice as you complain about working late again. Our creativity is born from our reality. If we see our reality as warped and wrong – and we FEEL warped and wronged, guess what? Our craft/talent, our personality, our well-being and our disposition suffers. We push people away without knowing why they no longer want to be bothered with us. We blame others for what we are experiencing. We become victims. The fact of the matter was – we WERE a victim when it first began, but now we are just a victim of ourselves! Is this our true nature? Somewhat – but the emaciated version, the malnourished version… Everyone knows that “hungry” people are not nice… just watch any Snickers commercial, lol. Artists take in and put out just as fast. We have to. We are walking osmosis.

So, to my fellow Creative Souls, are you being fed? What are you “eating?” Are you “crapping out” repugnance and negativity, gloom and doom, ‘Debbie Downer mess’ and being the “Devil’s Advocate” time and time again or are you taking personal responsibility, taking inventory of how you feel and why you feel that way? Are you sucking the positivity and love out of a room/area/website/message board because you can’t nourish from a bounty of connectivity? Are you harboring deep, dark secrets that you continue to allow to destroy you, then vomit them out in the form of judgment of others that you do not know, always saying the exact opposite of what is being mentioned simply to be argumentative, or ‘socking it to someone’ not because you wish to have an intelligent discourse, but because you are bitter, angry, mad as hell and the world shit on a damn good person (YOU) and yet no one seems to care? Guess what, buddy? LIFE AIN’T FAIR.

It wasn’t fair today, it wasn’t fair yesterday and chances are high it won’t be fair tomorrow. Being creative doesn’t give us the right to trample on others. The very reason people gravitate towards us can be the very reason we become alienated. Even in this crazy world – you can still eat, baby, and you can eat well! Go take a walk… call a friend… meet some folks online then ENSURE you meet these people in person. Leave your baggage at the door, no one wants it, not even you! You’re just so used it being there, it feels “normal” to you to be so weighted down now.



The world needs us to keep joking, keep singing, keep dancing, keep writing, etc. You were given a very special gift, and that gift will bring you joy, but occasionally also grief. Embrace it – and don’t let what has happened to you, destroy that blessing. People are watching you, even when you aren’t watching yourself. They are looking towards you for direction, enrichment, entertainment, and enlightenment. Jokes have inspired, books have changed lives, songs have moved people to tears… the words we speak due to disenchantment can do the exact opposite. Why? Because Creative Souls may be introverts or Type A personalities, we run the gamut – but our gifts are strong, so when we are emotionally impaired, we try to gain strength by swinging our arms out wildly towards the world, hoping and praying we hit something, latch onto the thing that we lost so very long ago. We hope it’s something we consume, will make us feel full… something we can nosh on, something we can enjoy time and time again. But it never is… it’s flavorless, made of air and causes gas and burping…and worst of all, it repeats. The sad part is, more times than not, we end up the most bruised, with horrible heartburn due to a broken heart, but we don’t even see it until it’s far too late.

Bon Appetit, Creative Soul. Put your forked tongue aside and become the better version of you, again. Your delicious dinner awaits…

-Tiana Laveen (Best-selling author and lover to a manipulative and moody muse.)

DISENCHANTED... Now what?

I find myself disenchanted… 

2015 is almost over, and I was spending precious time with family, reminiscing, but as I filtered through photos of friends with their loved ones, opened gifts from under a tree, Kwanza candles aglow and menorahs lit in colors of azure and white, I kept running into headline stories that dulled the moment, shaded the emotions and left a burning coal of irritation in my gut.

How many Kardashians must I see? Why do I need to know that so and so has one billion followers now on Instagram? Do we as a nation really believe that Donald Trump, who has spouted some of the most hateful speech of the year, perhaps decade, is the best candidate for president? How many ‘your blues isn’t like mine’ posts must we see to figure out who’s wound is bigger and more sore (All Lives Matter, nah bruh, only Black Lives Matter… dude! That’s crazy, only American Lives Matter… how about none of you motherfuckers matter?!) – these are real conversations going on while yet someone else is being decapitated for not believing as another does. It is then televised and the person that is outraged about it is ridiculed and told, ‘Were you that upset when so and so was gunned down by the police? Or do you care about them only because they were this or that color?’

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US?

Are we so jaded, so soulless, so inherently evil now, fresh out of the womb, that all we care about are the latest contour make-up tips, how to get rich in five days, diet tea and corsets and who had the best ‘What are thoooose?!’ vines? Has our entertainment became our real lives or merely an obsession?

Do we turn the station when a documentary of the Underground Railroad comes on, or Suze Orman trying to give us pointers on how to grow our funds in favor of watching the Real House Wives of Planet XYZ? Is every woman who takes a selfie in a skirt a THOT, is trash talking another person now a competition and crowns are passed out for who can give the most shade? Do we not care about our fellow human being anymore? Has it gotten to the point that only what we do on social media counts, and the REAL us slowly dies for we know if our followers truly saw our hurts and frailties, we’d lose LIKES? Because no one LIKES a real human being anymore…



This is why I’m disenchanted. I’m not upset about anyone getting their hustle on, making a way out of no way. What I’m upset about is the lack of soul, the lack of grit, the lack of integrity, the lack of self-respect, true courage, consideration and the narcissistic behavior that is now deemed as ‘normal.’ We laugh now when people are down, depressed – we encourage them to kill themselves if they post they don’t want to live anymore. We ridicule a person that is struggling with mental illness, yet we praise performers who see women as only cum guzzlers. We give high fives to women who only want a check, versus that ‘baby daddy’ to be in their child’s life.  I ask again, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US? We are nasty to others for no reason, vicious when called on our bullshit because the truth hurts and materialistic to the point that we’ll put bills in our childrens’ name just so we can use our ‘other money’ to buy crap we won’t even remember having in a week or two. We even get pissy if the man of our dreams doesn’t buy the diamond ring we wanted --- then wonder why we are still single ten years later and he found someone more deserving of his time, attention and energy. YUP. I said it.

None of this is normal… Trashing a person on Snapchat for wearing last years designer jacket isn’t okay. Internet trolling and thugging is a thing – everyone wants to be a superstar, and negative attention is better than none at all. Now so-called reality TV is a gateway, but it’s a poisonous gateway, for once you enter it, it leaves one spiritually splintered and emotionally diseased.



People no longer know who they are, why they are here and what they can possibly become. Our vision is tunnel, our sites short, our love jaded, our forgiveness nonexistent, our thirst for knowledge dry, our desire for compassion – long gone. I’ve seen so much negativity and nastiness, and it is a chore trying to sift through it to get to the good stuff. I end up feeling like I’ve had a ten-hour work out, with no breaks. I want to be able to turn on my computer or television, and not see an update about any reality star, or a performer who had some hissy fit on stage. I want to be able for just once, to see the front page of Yahoo say, ‘FIVE UPLIFTING, COOL NEAT STORIES FROM ORDINARY PEOPLE WHO’VE DONE SPECTACULAR THINGS.’

No one is allowed to call anyone on this behavior – because then you’re deemed ‘not fun’, an ‘old foggie’, ‘jealous/hater’, 'sippin' the Kool-Aid', 'A sell out' and all the other adjectives and titles one can wrangle up. I don’t care about what some celebrity wore to dinner, I care about what my fellow sister or brother wore to their job interview that helped land them the job. I don’t care about showing the ‘good things’ Donald Trump has done, I want to see the people that actually care about the guy making minimum wage that still goes out and feeds the hungry. I don’t care about any of this nonsense, and this is in part why some people don’t get ME, what I write about and how I write it. Some people are trying to feed substance to people who only want filler, I had that problem too, but I sure as hell don’t anymore.



I’m not trying to force-feed anyone anything, any longer. I will do what I do, and whomever is down, cool, if not – there’s the door. The heart of man is broken. The mind is, too. We are spiritually corrupt. What will we do to stop this, before we have nothing left of ourselves, but a remembrance of what we truly could have become?

In a very short while, the very essence of all inner beauty will be a distant memory. We will know nothing of love and redemption. We will only care about the things in this world that we can not take with us. Well, all I can say is, I hope it was worth it…




Tiana Laveen (author or romance and lover of beautiful minds.)

The Proof is in the Details...

THE PROOF IS IN THE DETAILS…

To create something exceptional, your mindset must be relentlessly focused on the smallest detail.

-Giorgio Armani

Come here. I want to show you something.

You’re too far away… come a bit closer. Okay, you see this here? 

What does it look like to you?

An oval shaped crystal bowl of freshly washed bing cherries. Awesome.

Now, what’s over there?

 A picture of a bowl of fruit.

Essentially, both are the exact same thing. I have two crystal bowls of freshly washed bing cherries but one was described in detail and the other was not, but you can still ‘see’ it. Now, in my mind, I see things quite vividly, like the first description and picture.

I have an art background, and I pay attention to tiny freckles, a half cast shadow across an oblong, slightly tanned face. Those things do not matter to some, but to me they do. Therefore, the things that matter to me, I put inside of my book because I am essentially trying to use my art background, visual addiction and imagination and pour all of that into words upon a page. In other words, I am attempting to paint a representation with librettos.  Why? Well, because it is what I do and I have to lessen our degrees of separation. You and I do not live together. Chances are high we don’t even live in the same city, perhaps even the same state or country. More importantly, you do not dwell within my brain. You can not possibly know what I think and how I perceive things without me telling you, guiding the way so to speak.

Therefore, I have to bring you close to me from afar. I do this via details, but also with ‘focused’ character development. Some readers do not enjoy character development and details. Well, that isn’t fair. Let me rephrase. Some readers do not want an in-depth read for they may feel bogged down by the details and simply want to ‘get on with it’.

I respect that, however I too, need to be respected for the the fact that I do not serve "that" at my ‘restaurant.’ There are plenty of diners in town that do, and I could give quality recommendations for such but I will not change my menu because a patron walks in wanting something that I do not prepare. You would be asking me to be something that I am not, and I simply refuse to do that just as I should not ask you to be anything other than what you naturally are. If stylistic changes are to be made, well, that's a personal choice.           

 
Now, recently, Stephen King’s tips for writing has been swimming around online. He wrote that eons ago but it recently made a come-back. I love this man. I have not read any of his more recent work, but classic Stephen King? Yes, I have him on lock. In any case, he mentioned the act of ‘bogging down with detail.’ Here is the problem, however. What some people are failing to understand and he did not mention, are that these rules are not necessarily for across all genres. Confused? Let me elaborate. For horror and mystery for example, many times less is more. It is critical in these two genres, for you, the reader, to use your own imagination in order to make the situation that more terrifying and emotionally debilitating. The best horror movies and books rely on this technique. This is why the dark closet always stays with us far longer than the man chasing us with the rusty, blood splattered chainsaw. Why? We see him – we know what he is and though we may not enjoy how he is terrorizing us, our brains can make sense of him. He can be a successful technique never the less, but he does not have the same lasting power as ‘void’, ‘dark’, ‘empty’ and ‘lack of origin.’ We are able to place him in some boxes: A man - check! A lunatic - check! He is running towards us with something dangerous - check! He is growling and gnashing his teeth which means he is angry or at the very least, hell bent on murdering us. - check!  We may not know why, which can be disturbing, but we do have at least part of the puzzle solved which gives us some resolution. Lasting horror however is nebulous.

      

No one can scare you more than yourself, you see? The most horrific things we’ve ever seen sometimes were simply shadows or a faint cry that came from some unknown source. There was no ten-foot tall slimy, green monster with tentacles holding a sign that read, ‘666’ and yelled at you in Russian. No, it was the implication, the thought that something was hiding in the dark waiting to get us, take us away and gnaw on us slowly over a period of anguish-inducing time. However, when it comes to romance, a slow build is what I like to call, ‘foreplay.’ I understand that the majority of my readers are women. Therefore, more times than not, we need to be ‘warmed up’ before we are psychologically and emotionally screwed. But I don’t want to just stop there… I want you to quiver, shake, and sleep with a smile on your face.

I want you to fall in love with the characters and truly SEE them. I need you to feel emotionally invested and attached. There are many ways to accomplish this. For me, I use detail and character development. If I were writing horror, I would still use these methods, but far less of it because I have to look at and consider my goals. Is it my goal to scare you, turn you on or make you fall in love? Once that is established, I then plan a course of action. Every book is essentially a manipulation of your senses. So, I plan accordingly. These methods are also used as it pertains to the differences between romance, erotica and written pornography. All three utilize the art of language bending and all three have to be treated differently to derive the desired effect. Sometimes romance and erotica are blended together in the same story, however, it is almost impossible to blend romance and porn, because though pornography at times can be deemed, ‘romantic’ it rarely lives in that realm for the duration of the description of acts. That is the line between erotica and written pornography. Pornography is more direct; it relies on less descriptive words and more action words. It does not spend an eternity developing characters, if at all. It serves one purpose and one purpose only, to titillate. Romance and erotica serve different purposes, and sometimes they overlap.

I respect just about any genre that you can bring to my attention, and I have read almost any genre that exists. I understand the basics of how each of them work, are effective and constructed. That said, we all still have artistic license, if you will. I use my license to get behind my computer and write the stories that I love, in the way in which I choose. It is important to me to stay true to my writing, and that includes my style of writing. Some will enjoy it, some will not. Not everyone will be happy, and it is not our job as authors, to strive for such an impossible feat. Besides, if I changed myself based on another person’s opinion, more times than not a stranger that wants to coach me from afar and does not have an inkling as to what REALLY goes on in regard to writing a book, then I’d be a fool and easily manipulated as well as depressed due to not truly writing about what I wish to write and how I wish to do it. Authors reading this: Do not change your writing based on popular opinion. Popular opinion changes and is fickle. Audiences are, too. You will lose your zest for writing if you do! It is a trap. Beware.

You must feel good about your end product, and that is what truly matters. You must focus on tightening up your craft and doing your very best, but the essence, the soul of your writing? No, they are not negotiable unless YOU feel that they are.

Authors have to sometimes remind ourselves why we began writing in the first place or we will lose focus due to outside forces and opinions that are not always in our best interest. When you do something you enjoy and you do it to the best of your ability that within itself is a form of success. I am blessed to have people that enjoy my books and want to hear about the bing cherries in the crystal bowl and not simply a two-dimensional container filled with fruit. Both types of writing serve a purpose, but one type is not mine... and I’m glad to know that.

I was born for many things, one of which is to write and express myself. I have received too many emails from women and some men, telling me they could identify with a character or a book in general, and that it in some way helped them. There are readers who express to me that they enjoy my detailed writing, that they actually feel as if they’ve been transposed into the scene. That is what I want. I am an entertainer, but I also want to be of assistance more times than not. So, I will continue to do what I’m doing, hopefully getting better and better along the way but in the meantime, I’d like to take a lunch break and I’m willing to share.

Would you like a cherry?

-Tiana Laveen

Dear Potential Indie Author...

Hi! I take it you want to write and publish a book? Okay, let's have a little chat about what to expect once you unleash your 'masterpiece' upon the audience...



To the men and women who for their own personal reasons, are deciding to go the Indie route, I thought I'd write you an open letter. You see, I've had a baptism by fire, so to speak, and I still don't know shit. But...I know a bit more than I did yesterday, and the day before that, so that means that I can in fact help someone. I get emails all the time from people that wish to write professionally. I am asked,

"Tiana, do you know a good publisher?"
My answer: Of course I know OF a good publisher(s), but I'm indie, and I chose to be indie because I am a control freak over my own product.

"Tiana, I have an idea for a book, who can I talk to about it?"
My answer: Keep your trap shut and immediately get it copy-written once said story is written. Unless it is a coveted, trusted friend or your mama (and you may even have to give her the side eye if she likes to flap her gums) KEEP.YOUR.IDEAS.TO.YOURSELF. Now luckily, the folks that have sent me their ideas or unsolicited samples, I didn't pull any mess and run off into the sunset with the notions that actually got me going. The other point to this story is, an idea, is just that, an idea. Do not ask anyone for ANYTHING, until you have actually written the story and the second draft is complete. Not just a page, not just an outline, the entire story. Why? It's not fair to waste someone's time as well as your's, talking about 'an idea' you had when you may not even write the damn thing. Now, don't get your undies in a twist, we've all done it, but you won't be taken seriously and if you are taken seriously, then you still sold yourself short because you came to a gun fight with a water pistol. If you are telling me you want to get wet in the pool, I expect you to arrive in your bathing suit, not a PICTURE of your swimming gear. Come correct, or don't come at all...

There are other questions, as well, so instead of going through all of them one by one, I believe I can just write a manifesto of sorts, to help aspiring writers out as they make the decision to do this thing we call blood, sweat, tears and fears for a slice of pie and a pencil fragment in the eye, all for a slither of a writing career...(I'm a poet and didn't even know it.) Yes I did, I just like saying that because I have a corny bone that enjoys senseless banter. ONWARD!

Dear Potential Indie Writer,

Here is how it is going to go down:

1. You will be overjoyed, beyond elation when you get your first book published. Not to rain on your parade, but it will be the least well written of all of your books, that is of course, if you survive #2.

2. Someone is going to pull their damn pants down and shit on your happiness. Yes...the shitman/woman uh-cometh. You see, new indie writers are like fresh meat. You don't know shit. All you have is your trusty computer, a dream and stars in your silly little eyes then someone comes up the steps of hell and knocks on heaven's door (on your apartment door, because you stay in room 59A with your head still in the proverbial clouds) You will open that door, smiling from ear to ear, and they will be standing there drunk off haterade, but are prepared to 'sober' YOU up. They will say, "I just left a review and it says, 'You are a talentless, editor-needing asshole who should have never graduated high school. Don't quit your dayjob. Oh, do you have an umbrella? 'Cause I'm rainin' on you hoes!"

Okay, the last sentence wouldn't be said, I just threw that in there for dramatic effect, but that is how you feel when you discover the (cue melodramatic creepy music) 'watch crew' has used your new found happiness to defecate on, repeatedly. Because more cometh, baby! Moooore cometh and if you care one fraction of a damn about your craft, and you've been doing this as long as I have (I've been writing stories since I was seven damn years old), then yeah, you might feel some kinda way about it.

My advice: Don't respond to the review. I had to learn this the hard way. Some reviewers are kind, some are assholes, many float somewhere in the middle. Regardless, if you engage one, especially a Negative Nelly who really doesn't want to know the truth, your explanations, etc. no matter how nicely you put it, then you are setting yourself up for a mess. If you can't resist responding, then don't read the shit. That is what I do. You won't find my behind on any of the review sites unless I have my blog/tweets tied to to it for updates or I need to buy something that has nothing to do with my own books. Now sure, sometimes I do see a review here and there, but it is truly not planned nor sought after. I do have readers who enjoy my work, email me regarding their own reviews and they started doing this on their own because the word has spread that myself and many others, do not read our reviews. This one, protects me from the urge to respond, and two, if it is a set-up (Which I will discuss in #3)then I don't fall for the okee doke. Throw up the deuces...

3. If you are a bad writer, someone will come for you because well, the work needs improvement and/or you are new, so you are a target. If you are good writer, even more will come and if you are a good writer trying to improve and are obviously serious about your craft, an avalanche of bullshit is coming. Now you see, #2 and #3 are linked together, but #3 here, explains to you the psychology behind it. Let it be known, there are publishing companies who don't appreciate what they deem as 'competition.' (There is no such thing as competition in book writing, but I'll get more into that later in a different blog.) They will send their henchmen out to attack! (Picture people with pitch forks approaching Frankenstein. Yeah...that's it.) There are also other authors who may not like the attention you are getting, and out of a fit of greasy jealousy, they will come with their faces bawled up like fists, under a different name most times, and tell you to never touch another keyboard again. They will tell you that the story sucks, you suck, and ducks float like a boat - as if all three are true. Look, (placing my hand on your shoulder as I give you comfort.) Even if they are right, even if the story DOES suck, don't fall prey to negative criticism. Negative criticism is the anti-Christ, to constructive criticism, and we've seen reviews that demonstrate both. That leads me to numero four...

4. Your book is not perfect. The sun doesn't set and rise on that damn thing. I don't care if Gandhi, Mother Theresa, The Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and the Honorable Elijah Muhammad helped you write it - it is NOT perfect, and you will need to accept that. SOMEONE is going to notice it's imperfections and they will focus on those imperfections, and though it sucks, that's life, and that is their right. Not everyone that hates your book is a hater. Some are, but some aren't. Not everyone has to like it. There is not ONE BOOK in existence, that everyone enjoys. You will be hard pressed to find any movie, book, play, song etc. that an entire city, state and country just adores. Why? Because there are different strokes for different folks and what we do is ART. Art my dear, is subjective. Art also hurts, so that leads me to number five...

5. When you are feeling like, "The hell with this, I'm not publishing another book again." - and trust me, that day will enter your mind at least once, I want you to go back to an email, tweet or Facebook post you received where someone you didn't know, came out of the blue and said, "I loved your book!" I want you to read that, re-read it, and read it again. THAT is the person you focus on, okay? During moments like that, you think about that person and you use that energy, to pour into your next book. Energy that you didn't have because you were tired of the drama, in-fighting and nonsense. You were drained because when you released your second book, which was significantly better than the first, you were silly enough to believe that people would like YOU and the book, and you soon discovered, that no, you actually angered more people because you didn't allow their negativity, silliness, drama-seeking, sadness and self-hatred to destroy you. And...you didn't allow the people that told you your book wasn't up to par, but they were nice about it, (and it may have been true), distract you either. Instead, they motivated you. If they said you needed an editor, you now took that seriously. Here are two examples: One is of negative, ugly feed back and the other is constructive criticism. The constructive criticism one can be used as rocket fuel. The negative one should be thrown in the toilet, because it is dung, and useless to your growth as a person and a writer. One is created to tear you down, in order to build the reviewer up, and the other one is used to uplift you, because well, they like to read, may be a decent person and want more books to choose from for their reading pleasure.

USELESS: This book is dumb as hell. I can't believe anyone wrote this. I asked for a refund after I finished reading it. If I could give a half of a star, I would. I fell asleep during reading it. I want my time back for reading it, too.

HELPFUL: Though the book had potential, things went astray. The ideas were good, but the writer left out crucial points, such as, What happened to the baby after Samantha gave birth? There were quite a few editing issues and the writer called the character the wrong name, twice, in the book. One time, it was Samantha, the next, it was Sandra. I will give this writer another chance, because the concept was interesting, for the most part it was well written and it was a good idea but I hope he/she gets an editor soon and republishes this.

You see the difference? It also lets other readers know what the specific problem was, it does not come across as 'trollish'. Oh, you don't know what a troll is? A troll is a person that is on social media and review sites, simply to give negative feedback and start drama. They want to hurt people, because they themselves, are bored with their own lives, or are hurting as well. Happy people don't lash out at others in order to cause emotional pain, they simply don't.

In conclusion - if you are going to join the ranks of being an indie author, it will not be easy. Some days, you will question if it is even worth it. Sometimes, your answer will be 'No.' For me personally, I love what I do. I have to do it, because writing is who I am. If no one liked any of my books, I'd still write. That is how you know that you are cut out for this. After being bashed, hated on, given constructive criticism and loved and supported, after all of that, if you are still standing and getting BETTER, then baby, hang in there. The waters will get rough, but as long as you respect yourself, want to be the best writer you can be, respect your readers and your craft, you WILL make it. Writing is hard work, but if you love it, it will love you back.

P.S. Surround yourself with positive people who want you to succeed. This may be fellow authors, and/or readers/fans. Without them, it is a much more bleak existence.

Love always,

Tiana Laveen

COLOR BLIND

One of the catch phrases since the 1980's, has been, "I'm colorblind." This means, as pertaining to race, that the person stating it is claiming to not see the color of a person's skin, but instead, inside of them - the content of their character. It sounds good, right?

Well, maybe not...

As a writer, I tend to sit around and think about things a lot. Even when I'm busy with other tasks, which is most of the time since I am also a wife and a mother, I think about words, concepts, behaviors, emotions, actions, so on and so forth. I look at people and wonder about their story. I am curious as to what drives them to wake up in the mornings, and finally go to sleep at night. I am drawn by the physical as well. What someone else may see as obscene, I may see as beautiful and what another may view as open-minded, I view as dismissive. And so is the case with this terminology.

You see, I don't want you to be 'color blind' when you look at me, and people that favor my physical components. No, I want you to see me. I want you to see my skin tone, my full lips, my hair texture, my eyes. I want you to KNOW that I am a black woman. Why? Well, because I think it's sexy. I think it's amazing. I am okay being all of that and more. If you tell me that you're colorblind, that means you no longer SEE me. But...what I look like, is a part of me, rather you find that attractive or not, is not the issue. My physicality, is definitely a part of who I am as a person. It is how my children know it is mommy that has stepped into their room to wake them up. It is how my readers know, it is Tiana, that is talking to them, answering questions via a vlog or public appearance. It is how my mother knows that her child is standing on her porch waiting for admittance when she looks through the peephole. When someone says they are 'blind' to something, it means, that it is not important to them, that, it doesn't need to be discussed or highlighted. If you think it isn't important, then you've erased my culture, because my culture is important to me, and my culture is part of the reason that I look in the way that I do.

I don't want to be erased. My history has already been historically tampered with and some of it forgotten and the truth of various aspects, never to be known. I have a little slice of something here, and I don't want it taken away. I'm feeling rather possessive about it, you see. Now, I'm not saying to use my physical attributes to discriminate against me - that is going all the way to to the other spectrum. I am simply saying, "Hey, I don't mind that in YOUR mind, when you see me coming, you think - 'That's a black woman.'" I'm cool with that, really, I am.

Being color blind would of course eliminate 'colorism', but to me, the core of colorism is NOT actually the hue of the flesh. The core of colorism, is based on hurt, racism, regurgitation of sinister-driven, warped beliefs and ideology that help one person feel superior to another. Now, we have a notion called, 'reverse' colorism, kind of like, reverse-racism, which is rather silly because in my opinon, there is no reverse of either of these constructs. You see, colorism is just that, colorism, regardless if the perpetrator is light complexioned, medium hued or dark complexioned. The same for racism. Either you said something racist or you didn't and this whole notion of black people can not be racist, because we have no power, is preposterous. We can, because we DO in fact have power because every man, woman and child has power over SOMEONE or SOMETHING in this world. An eight year old boy may have no power over his big sister, but he has power over his five year old brother. Whomever is lowest on the totem pole of hierarchy, is the one that will get it the worse from those that SEEK to identify themselves, through the humiliation of others. Per my example, take a look. He (the eight year old boy) is an influence, a role model rather he likes it or not and he can cause tears as well as joy for his younger sibling.

We ALL have power, over something, somewhere. I have been a 'victim' of this so-called reverse colorism. It is nauseating. It has been taking place my entire life, in various degrees. I get no rewards for NOT being dark complexioned. But Tiana, 'your type' gets to be in the music videos. Wow, now isn't that a treat?! Yes, I want to be exploited! Choose me! Choose me, please! (((eye roll))). But Tiana, that sends messages to darker girls that they aren't pretty enough to twerk. Yes...because twerking and grinding with homely rappers by a swimming pool for cash is something to aspire to. I just can't with this s**t...

When the local police see my ass speeding down the street, or even minding my own business, they see a black woman, and that is the bottom line! They don't give two s**ts that I am the color of the 'brown paperbag.' They don't care! I had my license plate ran in my own driveway once, because my husband's neighbor was a cop and saw me as 'suspicious' when I was first moving in. Give me a f**king break! I could go on and on about that, but that is another topic for another time. Now, let me get back on track here.

I want to see you...
I want to see your damn face. I want to see your incredible skin, and if you have the type of skin that makes me do a double take, I might want to even do the unthinkable, and touch it, with your permission of course. I have always been drawn to hues, particularly, dark-skinned people. NOT because I found them unattractive, but because their skin was so damn beautiful to me. I have never, not once in my life, felt that a person was attractive or unattractive, based on their skin tone. I wasn't raised that way. I never heard anyone say anything that spoke of 'colorism' issues and both of my parents are light-complexioned African Americans. They were proud to be black, in every sense of the word. Race, none of that was the factor. Skin didn't have anything to do with it. I have found myself apologizing to my some of my darker sistas, because I sometimes stare at them, like a man does a woman that he wants to get with. It is truly that intense. I LOVE looking at skin, from the palest Irishman you can find, to the darkest West African in the world. I.WANT.TO.SEE.THEIR.SKIN.  I don't want to dismiss it, I don't want to turn away, I don't want to pretend it is not there. I do NOT want to be colorblind.

Why would I NOT want to see this woman?! STUNNING!

I LOVE your skin, even if you don't. I love what you look like. I want you to embrace your heritage, your culture. I want you to SEE the world, full of these different looking people, all of them, contributing and making the world a better place.

Nah...I'm not colorblind, and never will be.
I see you, Beautiful. Damn, and I can't take my eyes off you...

Tiana Laveen

The Misrepresentation and Disrespect of the Black Woman

As I sit here in my office, the door closed drowning in my thoughts, I can't help but blast Jay Z's, 'Take Over' as my face is etched in 'game.' Yeah...I got my game face on because I am not going to sit here a second longer without addressing an epidemic that has taken over social media, politics, our damn brains and every where else that garbage can collect and spread.

The title of this blog is, 'The Misrepresentation and Disrespect of the Black Woman.' As a little girl, I was raised to have pride in myself. That was essential for my development, especially since I was raised in a majority Jewish and White neighborhood and there were only a handful of 'us.' As a little black girl growing up in this tiny slice of American pie, I soon came to realize that not everyone thought I was very 'tasty', and they hadn't even tried me yet. Now, this is not a sexual innuendo, it is simply a metaphor once I understood that being a 'black girl' was synonymous with being socially undesirable. I was too young to understand the origins of this and what was completely happening, but as I matured, I soon realized that no matter what I did, said, carried myself, etc. I would always be blamed for someone elses' transgressions or behavior, simply because they were the same race and gender as I.

I found that perplexing. No where else were others suffering this same fate. For example, if a white woman robs a store this evening, and it is on the news, there is not then a call to action against all white women. White women are not suddenly portrayed as thieves and stains on their heritage. If a Chinese American man sets his wife on fire, there is not then a call to action, against all Chinese American men.  Now sure, some racial jokes from racists will no doubt take place, but the entire Chinese American race will not been tagged as 'Wife arsonists' based on this one person's deeds. Yet in still, there are degenerates, derelicts, defiled humans and the like, in every single race, ethnicity and sexual identification. But let a black woman do something...oh, it's on!

There was a chapter in my life, where I literally looked in the mirror and asked myself, 'Tiana, what the f**k is wrong with you?" Why is it, that no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, you are still put in the same bucket with the 'Atlanta House-Wife' mentality women? Hmmmm... Inquiring minds wanted to know.  I was not gold-digging, I went to college and got my degree. I didn't have 50 kids out of wedlock, mater of fact, I had none. I took care of myself. I knew how to cook, and cook well if I say so myself. I cleaned, and was self-reliant. I wasn't overly aggressive or 'rough'. I wore my natural hair many times. I had my own car, bills in my name that were paid on time every single month. I didn't speak in Ebonics, I wore quality clothing that fit me. I exercised and cared about my health. I had a career. I had a sense of humor. I had a spiritual foundation. I cared about my culture and my self esteem. I didn't deem myself as ghastly to look at, appearance wise. I knew of course I would not be everyone's cup of tea, no one is, but surely, there had to be one or two people who found me attractive in this big, wide world.

Regardless of all of this, I continued to meet and date men who did not appreciate such a person. Was I perfect? No, but almost every man that I ever dated, tried to get me back after the breakup, regardless of who called it off because that grass being greener on the other side was a real phenomenon and once they saw what they'd lost, the double-back was a sign of the Tiana times. I made the mistake of taking one of these DD's back, but that is another story for another time.

I eventually did meet someone who found what I had to offer extremely appealing, and also had something to bring to the table himself. He was a breath of fresh air, especially since I was out there on the sidelines while my exes kept comparing lawns. What I came to conclude, from my own past as well as many of my sistas who fit similar descriptions as what I relayed, it is not only that we are we being tossed into one bucket and stamped with, 'All The Same' across our foreheads and being thrown completely under the bus, it is also that there is a blatant misrepresentation and disrespect of black women in this country. It is horrendous! Even other races of people are noticing it, and speaking amongst themselves in hushed voices.

Hell, some aren't so hushed any more, they've joined the bandwagon and are heading the brigade.  As a writer of romance books for black women, I must say that we need all the upliftment and support we can get! We sure as hell aren't getting it from the media, music, many men, and any other 'm' you can throw in there. No other race of people, disrespects their 'same race' women this way. We are the ONLY ones, in which nasty-gram videos are being made, over and over again based on our race and gender. Now, I have actually no problem with anyone voicing their honest opinion, even if I hate and/or don't appreciate what they are saying...if it is the truth. Truth sometimes hurt, and people need to hear honest interpretations, perceptions as well as facts.

What is a fact, is that we are being blamed for all the woes of an entire nation. What is also a fact, is that there are many black women co-signing this bull in order to 'look good' in the oppressors eyes, that it is sickening and so blatantly obvious. So sorry sweetheart, you didn't get a 'golden' promotion or increase in status because you 'Aunt Thomasina'ed' yourself out. You are STILL seen as lower than low, only now you've been elevated to mule status. For any men who speak out against these attacks against us, especially if they are black men, they are labeled, 'Manginas', 'Ankle lovers', 'Bitch a** N***" and so it goes...  If anyone goes against this agenda publicly, they are ridiculed and hung by their toenails. Yes, the idea that the black woman is God, which many don't adhere to anyway, but for the sake of argument, has now turned into, Black women are demons - will cause your physical and spiritual death if you get with us. Now...let's say this is all true. Let's say the majority of us are EXACTLY what is being said:

1. Gold diggers
2. Loud
3. Obese/unhealthy
4. Unattractive
5. Artificial (fake hair, eyes, nails etc.)
6. Unintelligent
7. Ghetto
8. Lovin' thugs
9. 'I don't need a man' automatons
10. Baby Poppers

If this is all true, and let's pretend that it is, then the current addressing strategies of said 'situation' does not help nor aid in the ceasing of this 'disease.' (That's because the goal is not to empower the black women, it is to destroy, but let me stay on task here.) What is TRULY a disease, is our obvious hatred for ourselves and other women that are in our same camp. The inner-bickering about colorism in which lighter complexioned black women are told they are NOT black (not talking about biracial women) or that their lives have been wonderful, chock full of sparkling daisies, fairy dust and pink sunrises because of their skin tone, thus, they must 'pay' by being harassed and degraded by some of their own darker sistas due to what OTHER ignorant, backward ass, self-loathing black women did to them. Yes, that makes PERFECT sense to me...just go right ahead and attack the people that had nothing to do with it and are still just as likely to be racially profiled, harassed, etc. kinda like when we burn our own buildings down during rioting, but again...I must stay on task.

The arguments about WHO is black in this country and WHO is not, allowes others from the outside looking in, to pick up our torches, the war of sexes, etc. NONE OF THIS is helping! Has it made a difference?! If so, where? Where are the improvements due to this attack on black women? How has it changed and improved lives for black women? It has been going on for decades, but all of this in-fighting is Bullsh**t and getting us no where. I have no desire to tell someone their pain and experiences are not valid, but the same thing we are experiencing from 'outside forces', we should NOT do to one another!

We are ALL black women! Yes, people can say what they want, how they want and when they want, and some of these 'hateisms' are coming from people that show a high level of intelligence, but intelligence does not equate being RIGHT all the time or even being SANE. Now, this attack and disrespect of black women, has been going on for years but due to easily accessible social media and blogtalk radio (people having their own radio shows), there is an influx of this disease. Let's take the ten points mentioned above, and give a very brief response to each.

ALL BLACK WOMEN ARE...

1. Gold diggers

Okay, gold digging... Gold digging is when a person, usually a woman, has gotten with a man or (another woman) in a romantic way, in order to obtain access to his/her material goods/wealth. This could be in the form of cash, shopping sprees, his connections, etc. I find it rather interesting that a person's need for perseverance and stability is connotative with 'gold digging', but I digress. Now, with that said, I also don't believe in asking that a person give you something, that you don't currently have and/or are not close to having yourself. What I mean by that is, say a woman demands/need a man with a 2014 BMW, when she herself drives a Ford Escort. There is nothing wrong with a Ford Escort as long as it gets her from A to B, but it is unfair to then act like 'you are too good' for a mate that has the same as you.

Black women are perpetually being coined Gold Diggers, however, historically, we are the ones that were with 'broke ass men' and carrying the load. Don't believe me? Look at the unemployment rates of black men in the 60s, 70s and 80s and tell me who had the jobs in those households. It was black women! This is a fact. Look at the employment rates during these three decades, the household demographics, and then try to tell me this isn't true. Now sure, some of this was due to systematic and economic racism, but regardless of the reasoning, we were the ones putting food on the table, and yet in still, we stayed with them. We did not turn coat, we did not holistically dog them out. No, we worked and took care of home. Yet, we are notorious gold diggers, huh?! Really? MFer, please! Also, when other races of women, such as celebrities, are 'gold digging' they suddenly get a pass or are overlooked, especially if they are attractive.

Example: Kim and that entire Kardashian clan. Why? Because Kim is attractive and she likes black men. She is also a 'rich black man' celebrity chaser, aiding in stroked egos across the globe, but this little observation is rarely mentioned. You can't have a debate with someone about this topic if you are overlooking this simple fact. In other words, people see what they want to see, despite the obvious truth that contradicts their argument.


2. Loud:
It has been stated many times, that black women are uncouth and verbally belligerent. Now, I will be honest and say that culturally, as I compare us to other races, we do appear to be more vocally demonstrative. Our white counterparts can compete with us for this title only when they've been drinking heavily, lol. Also though, Jewish, Latin and Italian folks, especially the women, have been known to have voices that carry, especially during passionate debates, so, I am going to chalk this up to cultural. Now, it appears that the media is hellbent on finding the women who are notorious for this as their basic 'default' setting however. Most of us do not wake up ranting and raving, with our fist bawled up tight talking about, "You gone learn today!" On the news, they'll find the woman with curlers in half her head, the other side wild and crazy and in colors of purple and pink, talking about, 'I saw tha whole thing!" When this is constantly being portrayed on television, movies and in magazines, of course it is going to look like we have diarrhea of the mouth and then with all these ratchet reality shows showing us beating the daylights out of one another, sleeping with so and so's man etc., it is no wonder that this perception has been adopted.


3. Obese/unhealthy:

Black women die the most of heart disease. We also have some of the greatest diabetes rates in the entire country. This is a problem and it is linked directly to our overall lack of physical activity and consistent poor eating habits. Now, this is not an excuse, but it is an offering of understanding to a greater problem. We also suffer greatly from depression, but it is rarely addressed. We feel we don't have 'time to be depressed', because we have children, etc. that need tending to. Depression is directly linked to part of this epidemic regarding our health. We have GOT to address this. Not to 'look cute', though that is in the top 10 reasons, lol, but more importantly, so we can be alive long enough to see our children into adulthood and enjoy our senior years. So many times I hear, "But my grandmama ate bacon and eggs every day, and she lived to be 112!" Well, you know what? I bet she was on 20 damn different medications, could barely walk and some days was in a lot of pain. I don't care to live to 112 if I feel like death warmed over. Also, grandmama didn't have the steroid pumped up food we have, and she more than likely ate more fruits and vegetables than we do today. McDonalds sells mummified apple slices, old salads and fries...that is the closest you are going to get from them, towards good health. Don't talk to me about the long life of grandmama, tell me how she felt!

This is not about attacking womens' body shapes and sizes. It is about being truthful about a problem in our community so we can address it. We do all come in different packages, and not everyone is supposed to be a size 3, but NO ONE is supposed to be wheezing out of breath, unable to walk up their steps without getting winded, etc. We have to start loving ourselves again. This is tied into our self esteem that is partially plummeting due in fact, to the misrepresentation and disrespect of the black woman. We are buying the hype, believing we are exactly what we are being portrayed as, which results in a defeatism attitude. We shrug our shoulders and give up. Don't. If you don't cherish yourself, no one else will. We teach people how to treat us.

4. Unattractive:
Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and society has told us that darker skin tones, kinky hair, full lips, etc. are not attractive. Let's put the age old argument aside that we know that some other races are getting tans and lip and ass injections, they are still NOT black, so understand, they get a pass, and we don't so all that but so and so does it, doesn't mean a hill of beans. There is nothing that can be done about the laws of basic human attraction. Either someone finds you attractive or they don't, and you know what? The Eurocentric standard of beauty is just that, Eurocentric. We are not nor will we ever be white, nor should we adopt this notion that anything other than what we are naturally, is better and something to aspire to. Again, this ties into self esteem, and ours has been on the decline for eons.

5. Artificial (fake hair, eyes, nails etc.):
Again, let's be honest. We are keeping these weave importers in business. As more and more black women embrace their natural tresses, the numbers are declining, but there is still a need for it, due to wanting a change of pace as well as protective styling. Now, I must also mention, many white female celebrities are wearing weaves, too. However, we rarely hear about them, though they often openly admit that they have weaves, colored contact lenses etc. When a white woman gets a fake tush, no one accuses her of trying to be black. When a black woman gets a weave, suddenly, she has been having dreams of being a white princess and hates her black self down to the little brown core. It is utterly ridiculous.

Ancient Egyptian women were dying their hair ,making wigs, putting on make-up, etc. long before a white mofo even stepped FOOT in their land. Were they trying to be white? How can you try to be something that you've never even seen?! Not all black women that wear weaves, wigs, etc. want to be a non-black women. This is so old and stale, I think some people need to come better than this. Now again, the other side of the coin is this: Yes, there are SOME black women who more than likely hate their physical appearance due to their afrocentric features, and try to change them in order to feel better about themselves, however, I'm so sorry, I don't believe for one second this is the majority. Women of all races, are notorious for enjoying changing our hair and appearance for the sake of fashion. Even women in indigenous tribes are doing body modifications, it doesn't mean they hate themselves. It is a form of expression, period.


6. Unintelligent:
Is this based on test scores? It is based on personal observations of the majority of black women in this country? No. This argument is used by those that can't come up with anything else. It is like two children fighting and one says, "You're ugly." and the other says, "Oh yeah? Well you're stupid!" NEXT!

7. Ghetto:
People behave in the manner in which their environment dictates until they are taught and/or see better. Yes, there is a such thing as a ghetto mentality. I didn't write this blog to sugar-coat s**t and have some little chit chat with cocoa around the fireplace. No, I did this to be totally open, honest and frank. Here's the thing about 'ghetto' though, it is similar to what some coin, 'white trash.' Funny how, we don't hear about the WT when the ghetto argument is being used to degrade black women, while women of other races are put on a pedestal and twirled around for all to see. Oh no, my dear, the focus is only on US since we are the target. Again, cherry picking and straw-manning are common argumentative tactics that fail, but sound good to untrained ears.

8. Lovin' thugs:
I never understood this one. I've personally never been attracted to a man that went in and out of jail, drank himself silly, smoked weed like his last name was Dandelion, wore his pants saggin' so that the crack in his ass was visible to the world and other nonsense. I never wanted to date thugs, have sex with them, let alone be in a relationship with one. That was never my speed, and last I checked, I'm a black woman. I am not convinced that the people that say that all black women love thugs, have run into a few 'ghetto women' and because they had horrible luck or poor judgement in character with women telling them they didn't want their ass, now, we all want thugs because they got rejected, so now they are butt hurt. And what's the next step? That bucket I spoke of earlier is removed from the dusty ass shelf, and we are all thrown into it and pushed down the basement steps. I wanna, thug, huh? Give me a m**** f**** break!

Do some women like thugs? Sure, and so do a lot of white women chasing black penis for the Mandingo myth! Yet, I don't see billboards, massive amounts of videos, vlobs and blogs about these women. Hmmm, interesting! Get the hell outta here with that. Thugs are not reliable. They are not good communicators. They don't understand the importance of family. The only know now how to screw, not make love. Their intelligence, if it exists, is hidden because being smart is considered 'uncool' to them. They are rarely spiritually grounded. They don't help keep bills paid. They don't care who they impregnate. They have little respect for women in general and a treasure trove of other issues. A lot of women like alphas, not thugs. There is a BIG difference.

9. 'I don't need a man' automatons:
I've never heard any woman ever actually say this in the last ten or so years, yet so many of the oppressors out in the field, keep hurling it in our direction. The fact of the matter is this. No one should NEED anyone. We should greatly desire someone, and want them, but need them? No. Needing someone denotes dependency...and didn't you just say you didn't want a gold digger? I'm just sayin'...

10. Baby Poppers:
We pop out kids like rabbits. I suppose we got pregnant on our own. There is some magic invisible penis in the sky, that is getting all of these black women pregnant as soon as they go to sleep at night, right? None of these babies are coming from an actual flesh and blood man, correct? We are just making our selves pregnant and then popping the babies out in order to get that check and that child support and keep his behind tied up in court even though he told us that he didn't want that child. Shame on the black woman! This is a two-blame game. Unless there was a sexual assault, both parties are to blame when an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy occurs. Now, he is being forced to take care of a baby that he never wanted, and we trapped him, right? Well of course we did! It is because we are ghetto, loud, obese gold diggers who are teaching our daughters that they too, don't need a man. But should they get one,  make sure he has had several stints in prison, has a bunch of kids from different women, no job, only listens to music where black women are perpetually called h**es and b****ches and sluts. Yes, make sure he fits that description or we simply couldn't be happy. (((eye roll)))

In conclusion, people see what they want to see, especially when they have an agenda. Anything that doesn't match their agenda, is the exception or not acknowledged at all. Whenever someone is in mental/psychological pain, and they can attribute that blame to one person or people who fit a certain criteria, you will see a diseased mentality. The problem with diseased mentalities, is that they often become obsessed with one or two topics, and their vision is narrow because they are so INVOLVED in one topic, that they don't EVOLVE into providing a bigger solution. When someone vilifies another, one must look at the motive. Never trust a person who is obsessed with only or two negative topics and whatever those topics of choice are, 9 times out of 10, they ramble on and on about it in an unsavory fashion. I personally don't talk over and over about mess I hate.

What is the point? If I'm talking about it day in and day out, it means I'm thinking about it, day in and day out and that means a part of me is obsessed with that topic, day in and day out. That could very well mean that I am confused about my TRUE obsession with that topic, thus, I focus on everyone and everything else, instead of asking myself, "If I find a certain person hopeless, stupid, unattractive and reprehensible, then why are they on my mind from sun up to sun down?"Hmmmm!

I'd rather focus on things I love and things that can help people. These same people have already stated I've given up on. So why continue on making broadcasts about it? If I hate broccoli, you won't see me making 100 videos about that vegetable. If I do, that shows I have a compulsion that needs to be evaluated. I'll tell you why this is happening. It is because it is all smoke and mirrors. People who do this, well,  it shows that they are either: garnering for attention while they build a larger audience based on controversial ramblings for fame, money, a sense of self, etc. or two, they truly are mentally ill and need an outlet. Yes, and a crazy mofo who is also an attention whore can be your worse nightmare.

Black women, you are being put down, beat down and placed in the ground. We have to take our power back and live another day. We need to be honest with ourselves and understand that we are all we have, thus, more of us will have to brain storm to address these matters. When the black man disrespects us, it tells other races that they can do the same, because we have no protection from our male counterpart. Rather we like it or not, we live in a patriarchy. I tell you this, and hear me loud and clear. We can not wait for anyone to treat us how we deserve to be treated, we have to take the initiative ourselves. We have to love ourselves and build what we need. No one will respect you, unless you respect yourself.

Black woman, it is time to pick up your crown, look in the mirror, and tell yourself the truth. After which, we must address our deficits. Stop chasing people who don't want you and trying to convince them that you are not how they think, that you are different than what they claim you are when they don't even know you, and don't  give a crap about you. Stop trying to be something you are not. There is someone out there who will love you JUST the way you are and even if there wasn't, you still must love yourself, just the way you are because you are beautifully made, and from you, and entire world was born.

WOMB OF THE WORLD, DO YOU HEAR ME?

Tiana Laveen